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| After what seemed like years, I'm finally back to the blogosphere world. Let's take a little walk down the memory lane, shall we? Well, I don't really care if anyone reads them but it keeps me busy and sane by writing. And I also do not care that my english is less than perfecto and my grammer needs alot of brushing to do. Life hasn't been treating my loved ones well since 2010 and it'd affected me so much so I thought I was going to give up on mine too.
My dad passed on a month back, 04/05/2011 to be exact. Cancer (I hate you, i really do!) took him away, well let's just say the Lord brought my dad back to His kingdom. My dad was diagnosed with appendix cancer in 2010 during Lunar New Year. Everyone in the family was so devastated especially my dad but we were hopeful because it was stage 3 and with medical so advance, we thought he'd live. After several sessions and sessions of chemotherapy, he got worse. Blood test had shown that the cells had spread all over and chemo would no longer be an alternative. We didn't want him to suffer and we agreed to stop the chemo treatment. He'd aged so much from the extensive chemo; hair loss, dark eye rings...it hurts me so so much to see him like that. That's when I got so desperate and got my dad to turn to God. For those of you who didn't know, my dad was a non-believer and very anti about it. But to my surprise, he agreed almost immediately and in a nutshell, he accepted Jesus Christ as his saviour and got baptized on 10/3/2011. So after the chemo treatment stopped, we didn't give up. We tried Chinese medicine and apparently none worked. He couldn't eat and didn't sleep well. He was in pain most of the time and the palliative doctor suggested morphine which is often used for cancer patients. From a 180cm/75kg big man to skin and bones, everything, i.e., food/water that went in, came out. He puked everyday and night and doctor suggested inserting a tube to aspirate to ease him from vomitting. Throughout the whole ordeal, he never, NEVER once blame God for his sufferings, but I did. My dad's faith was bigger than the universe, that was how much God loves him. Few weeks before he left, he was bed-ridden and I couldn't hardly make out what he was trying to express (I'm tearing while typing this). I was at his bedside every single night without fail, holding his hands and comforting him. I hate myself so much that I wasn't there for him during his last moment due to work. Upon receiving the call from my sister, i broke down immediately right in front of my colleagues. I grabbed my bag and rushed to get a cab. I knew he had stopped breathing but I was in denial, thinking i could still catch a glimpse of him or even say a proper goodbye. But I was too late. I cried like mad throughout the journey home. My biggest regret? I didn't tell him how much I love him when he was still around. I kept telling myself I will tell him tomorrow but tomorrow never comes. I looked at him and held his hands, limp and cold. I hugged him and cried for what seemed like hours. I know this is better for my dad, that he no longer need to suffer and is in peace and arms of the Lord. I was selfish and didn't want him to go because I really miss him ALOT.
So after funeral and all, I was so depressed and I couldn't go to work. I rested for a month and thought through alot in life. What do I want to do? Where do I go from here. And I've decided to take a huge leap and live my life the way I want to. I quit my job. In fact, I've just tendered and need to serve one month notice. My dad is partly the reason of my decision but it's definitely not an impulsive one. I do not want to slog my life working and not being able to enjoy life. My dad had worked so hard his entire life and hardly taken any break. It was his own business and a workaholic (something which I didn't inherit). The family is very supportive of my decision and I'm truly grateful to have sucha wonderful one.
So anyhow, I don't know what's going to happen thereafter but I will still do something meaningful in life, definitely. But first, let me enjoy my very well deserved break.
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| So i just came back from a Bali work trip with my love and the Blk A team. They were there to cover the iMedia Submit conference and accommodation was well taken care of (we stayed in Conrad for the first 3 days). It was all in all an enjoyable and pleasant trip except for a few hiccups here and there, i.e. the organizer wasn’t the least pleased that I had a few meals on them. Honestly, I’d have gladly ordered for room service if I’d known that the organizer was, well, being “frugal”. Anyhows, Day 4 – 5 (we extended our stay for leisure) was so much better! We booked a one night stay at a villa in Pat-Mase, Kuta for 7 of us. It was beautiful! Allen and me came back on Friday and the rest stayed on for another 2 days in another fantabulous place called Kampoeng Villa recommended by Aunty Mag. Peektures up in the next post! Stay tuned! | | |
| Hello babes!!! The long awaited 2nd collection is up and about and we're definitely better than ever!! Check out http://cindycate.livejournal.com xoxo | | |
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